I think it’s fair to say that each of us have used at least one excuse to not have sex.

We’re all so busy right? We’re up at the crack of dawn, maybe we have kids to sort out for school and/or a partner or husband also rushing out of the house, or maybe you’re a single parent like me, trying to juggle work with a little one is quite the balancing act.

We spend most of our waking hours at work, then we’re home and potentially have a partner or kids to sort out with dinner, perhaps we have awkward teenagers to deal with, then there’s the house to keep on top of, and maybe there’s a pet to attend to, and let’s not forget checking our social media and liking and commenting on a few photos, so by the time we’ve actually sat down taken a photo of our glass of wine or beer for Facebook we’re completely knackered and the day and part of the night is gone and sex is the last thing on our mind! Can anyone relate to that?

Everything is set up in the modern world to disconnect us from ourselves and others. Back in the day before T.V, phones and internet people actually had sex because there wasn’t anything else to do! Now as we get further connected with technology we get further away from connecting with people on a deeper emotional and physical level. Text messages allow us to avoid a real conversation, and are used as a way to end relationships. We want fast and we want convenience.

A quick wank for some is preferable to sexual relations with a real person. There’s no expectation, there’s no disappointment, there’s no anxiety about performance, there’s no effort to even get out of bed and/or get dressed. Stick a bit of porn on the mobile phone and away we go!

It’s no wonder that we don’t have sex as much as we ought and that the sex we have is dissatisfying.

It would seem that when with male partners, especially casual ones, women forgo the clitoral stimulation needed to orgasm.

A survey conducted by Cosmopolitan found that 78 percent of women’s orgasm problems in heterosexual sex are due to not enough or not the right kind of clitoral stimulation. An academic study found that receiving oral sex and touching one’s clitoris during intercourse increases orgasm rates and that these behaviours occur more often in relationship sex than casual sex.

With less than one third of women orgasming during sex it’s not surprised there’s dissatisfaction.

Women not getting clitoral stimulation, especially in casual sex, is a major reason for the orgasm gap. This leads to a more nuanced question: Why aren’t women getting the stimulation they need?

This I believe is down to communication. Many people are very assertive and confident in other areas of their life, however when it comes to asking for what they want from their partner in the bedroom they clam up. They endure touch which isn’t what they want and tolerate giving touch without guiding or expressing to their partner what it is they really want.

This break-down in communication can lead to avoidance of sex and in some cases intimacy altogether.

If you are in a relationship this is never a good place to be. I work with couples that their sex life has fizzled out and what I always find, without fail, is that one person is happy with this and the other is not.

So, if you’re not having sex with your partner your relationship is in the danger zone! It’s at high risk of infidelity.

If this is you, contact me today to find out how I can help save your relationship.