06 Oct Why Do I Avoid Doing Simple Things? Understanding Hidden Demand Avoidance in Adults
Why Do I Avoid Doing Simple Things? Understanding Hidden Demand Avoidance in Adults
Ever found yourself avoiding something small replying to an email, opening a voicemail, making a phone call even though it would take just a minute? You tell yourself you’ll do it later, but later never comes. You feel guilty, frustrated, even ashamed.
If this sounds familiar, it might not be laziness or poor time management. You could be experiencing demand avoidance a nervous-system response often linked to anxiety, burnout, or neurodiversity (especially ADHD and autism traits). This is a condition I believe both I and my daughter have, although we are both awaiting the official diagnosis, and this is why this is of interest to me as a therapist.
What Is Demand Avoidance?
Demand avoidance is when everyday expectations trigger internal resistance, overwhelm, or panic even with things you want to do. It’s your brain’s way of saying, “I feel unsafe or out of control.”
This can happen consciously (“I don’t want to”) or unconsciously (“I can’t seem to start”). It’s not defiance; it’s an anxiety-driven reaction that often develops as a coping mechanism for stress or trauma.
Signs You Might Experience Demand Avoidance
You might notice patterns like:
- Ignoring or dreading emails, messages, and voicemails
- Feeling paralysed by to-do lists or deadlines
- Avoiding appointments, even important ones
- Needing last-minute pressure to get things done
- Resisting being told what to do even by yourself
- Feeling stuck in dysfunctional relationships
- Overthinking or people-pleasing to avoid perceived demands
- Burnout from constantly pushing through resistance
- Feeling ashamed or “lazy” when really you’re anxious or overstimulated
- Avoiding checking bills, bank accounts or addressing financial issues
- Denial of addressing the avoidance
Many high-functioning adults mask these struggles behind productivity or perfectionism. But underneath, their nervous system is quietly in fight-or-flight mode, trying to escape the weight of expectation.
Why This Happens
Demand avoidance is often linked to:
- Anxiety and control, the fear of failing or being trapped by obligation
- Executive function challenges, difficulties initiating, organising, or prioritising tasks
- Neurodiversity, ADHD or autistic traits that heighten sensitivity to demands
- Past experiences, criticism, trauma, or pressure that made demands feel unsafe
It’s your brain’s way of protecting you, but over time, this protection becomes its own form of paralysis.
How to Start Overcoming It
If you relate, here are gentle steps that can help:
- Reduce internal pressure. Reframe tasks as choices or experiments rather than “shoulds.”
- Start tiny. Commit to two-minute actions, even opening one email.
- Understand your triggers. Notice what makes you resist (tone, expectation, overwhelm).
- Use body regulation. Calm your nervous system before starting tasks, breathing, movement, EFT tapping, or mindfulness can help.
- Seek understanding, not blame. Self-compassion is key; resistance is a message, not a flaw.
- Get personalised support. A therapist or coach familiar with neurodiversity and emotional regulation (like myself,) can help you unpack these patterns and build new strategies.
How I Can Help
In my work as a hypnotherapist, coach, and emotional-regulation specialist, I help adults explore why they feel stuck or resistant and create realistic ways to move forward. Together, we look beneath the surface of procrastination to identify anxiety, trauma, or neurodivergent wiring, and develop tools that restore calm and motivation. I offer both online sessions and sessions in person in Nottingham.
If you’ve ever thought “Why do I avoid doing simple things?” it’s not just you. There’s a reason your nervous system reacts this way, and with the right awareness and support, it can change. The first step is awareness so if you think you relate, you’re halfway there. The next step is reach out! Contact me using the details below, and remember this is a choice you can make to deeper your understanding and enhance your life to make it more manageable and less overwhelming.
More on neurodiversity here: https://perfectionism-breaking-free/
Contact me here: https://rebeccadakin.com/contact-me/
Request a call with me here: https://calendly.com30-minute-clarity-call
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