03 Oct Signs of a Controlling Relationship: How to Recognise and Heal
Signs of a Controlling Relationship: How to Recognise and Heal
Why It’s So Hard to See Control
Many people don’t realise they’re in a controlling relationship until the effects are deeply felt. Control can start subtly disguised as “care” or “concern,” and slowly chip away at independence, confidence, and self-worth. Maybe you’ve been in a controlling relationship previously so are feeling confused as this one seems different perhaps it’s less ‘obvious’ however something is niggling at you.
- It may feel like protection at first, but over time it becomes suffocating.
- Control is not always loud or aggressive it can also be covert and manipulative.
- Shame, embarrassment, or denial often keep people silent and stuck.
If you’ve ever asked yourself “Am I in a controlling relationship?”, this guide will help you spot the signs and take the first steps toward freedom and healing.
Common Signs of a Controlling Relationship
Look out for these patterns:
- Isolation: cutting you off from friends, family, or support systems.
- Monitoring: checking your phone, emails, or whereabouts.
- Financial control: restricting access to money or making you justify every purchase.
- Decision-dominating: insisting on making choices for you, from small daily things to big life decisions. This controlling trait can be very appealing to someone who experienced emotional/physical neglect as a child.
- Emotional manipulation: guilt-tripping, silent treatment, or twisting situations to make you feel at fault. Feeling unable to address issues within the relationship and have difficult conversations for fear of causing arguments or being shut down.
- Disguised as care: “I’m only saying this because I care about you,” when it’s about limiting your independence.
- Using their mental health diagnoses or childhood trauma to excuse their poor behaviour: while holding you accountable for their emotional well-being and feelings
- Using your mental health diagnoses or childhood trauma to blame you for shortcomings in the relationship
- Frequent ‘well meaning jokes’ that undermine your confidence and sense of self.
- They thrive when they feel that you’re at a lesser advantage to them. Ie: you need looking after due to an illness, accident, mental health issue, life change. However, when you’re ‘better’ and they no longer feel needed as much they feel resentful because they feel you owe them!
Why Healing Is Essential After Leaving
Leaving a controlling relationship is only part of the journey. Without healing:
- You may unconsciously enter another controlling relationship often a more subtle, covert one.
- Old wounds can attract new patterns of co-dependency.
- Emotional scars like shame, embarrassment, and self-blame can hold you back from living fully.
Shame, Denial, and Codependency: The Invisible Chains
These are the forces that keep many people stuck:
- Shame: feeling like you “should have known better.”
- Embarrassment: worrying what others will think if they find out.
- Denial: minimising their behaviour or convincing yourself it’s “not that bad.”
- Codependency: feeling responsible for their happiness and unable to prioritise your own needs.
Breaking free requires both practical strategies and deep inner work to release these emotional chains.
Practical Tips to Start Reclaiming Your Freedom
- Keep a journal: writing things down helps you see patterns more clearly.
- Reach out for support: whether trusted friends, family, or professional guidance.
- Educate yourself: learn about controlling behaviour and relationship dynamics.
- Practice boundaries: even small ones can rebuild confidence and self-trust.
- Seek healing therapies: hypnotherapy, EFT, and inner-child healing can help you release shame, rebuild self-worth, and attract healthier relationships.
You Deserve Healthy, Loving Relationships
Recognising the signs of a controlling relationship is a brave first step. The next step is healing because without it, old patterns can quietly repeat themselves.
I specialise in helping people just like you break free from shame, release codependency, and rebuild confidence through hypnotherapy, EFT, and inner-child healing. My work is gentle, confidential, and focused on empowering you to create a healthier, happier life.
✨ I offer hypnotherapy, EFT, and inner child healing sessions to support you in rebuilding self-love and emotional balance and navigate healthy relationships.
If you’d like personalised support, I offer 1:1 sessions in hypnotherapy, EFT, and emotional regulation to help build strong foundations of self-love, which effectively and organically helps let go of toxic relationship patterns.
Contact me here: https://contact-me/
Request a call with me here: https://calendly30-minute-clarity-call
Recommended reading audio resources on covert manipulation https://amzn.to/3VParsJ