09 May Signs of Stalker Behaviour: What You Need to Know
Signs of Stalker Behaviour.
Stalking is a serious and often terrifying violation of personal boundaries. A friend of mine, singer Ben Ofoedu, recently had harrowing experiences with a female stalker who reached out to me and other close friends of Ben’s privately to slander him. His story highlights just how dangerous and psychologically damaging stalker behaviour can be. Unfortunately, it doesn’t just happen to celebrities — it can affect anyone.
In recent years, public figures like Taylor Swift and Sandra Bullock have all faced stalking incidents, often involving obsessive messages, unwanted gifts, and repeated boundary-crossing behaviour and of course there was the controversial Netflix documentary Baby Reindeer. These stories shine a light on the importance of recognising red flags early.
Red Flags: Signs of Stalker Behaviour
Look out for these common signs:
- Repeated unwanted contact via text, email, or social media
- Showing up uninvited at your home, workplace, or events
- Monitoring your whereabouts or asking others for your information
- Sending gifts or letters after being told to stop
- Expecting instant replies to messages and any contact they make
- Making false claims or impersonating people in your life
- Threats of self-harm or violence if you break contact
- Gaslighting or manipulating others to gain access to you
- Creating fake profiles to spy on or contact you after being blocked
If you recognise any of these signs of stalker behaviour, it’s important to take it seriously. Keep a record of interactions, avoid direct confrontation, and seek support from law enforcement or a qualified therapist.
When you meet or interact with someone new here are 5 things to monitor and early boundaries you can put in place to assess whether they are high risk of stalker behaviour.
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- Take your time in responding to them and see how they react. Is there a hint of passive aggressiveness, sarcasm or frustration in their replies? Are you finding yourself feeling compelled to over explain a late reply? Or engage in more back and forth conversation than would ordinarily feel comfortable to you? Make sure you are in control of the frequency of messages. If they keep coming in succession when you haven’t replied, it’s a sign to step back and/or block.
- Nudes sent without mutual consent is a red flag. Don’t accept or encourage any explicit photographs until you’ve done your due diligence. (I have worked with people that have been lured into sending nudes back and then been blackmailed). Blocking such accounts even if they do look titillating will help minimise the risks. Set the boundary clearly. ‘I don’t appreciate unsolicited nudes, please do not send any more.’ If you’re then expected to flatter the individual and convince them that you like what you see and that ‘there’s nothing wrong with the way they look, it’s time to block.
- Someone who over shares their personal trauma when you don’t know them, and you find yourself feeling sorry for them, makes you vulnerable to someone with ill intentions. If you consider yourself a ‘people pleaser’ you will be particularly at risk due to your desire to be liked and prove yourself.
- Equally if you find you’re sharing a lot about yourself and don’t know anything about them. Perhaps they divert questions about them back to you, or they’re cagy or dismissive when talking about themselves and their life, and the important people in it, this is a red flag.
- Listen to your gut! If something doesn’t ‘feel right’ then it’s time to walk away. Too often we ignore what our body is telling us for fear of being seen as the ‘bad guy’ or a mean person. Setting a boundary will generally give you the answers you need about whether someone is safe to communicate with.
As a hypnotherapist and relationship coach who works with survivors of emotional abuse, I help clients rebuild confidence and safety after toxic or obsessive relationships. If you’re struggling with the aftermath of stalking or coercive control, you don’t have to go through it alone.
Book a call with me here: https://calendly.com/
Or contact me directly here: https://rebeccacontact-me/
More on relationships here: https://rebeccadakin.com/why-cant-i-be-alone