12 Nov Why Can’t I Be Alone? Healing Codependency and the Need to Be Needed
Why Can’t I Be Alone? Healing Codependency and the Need to Be Needed
Do you panic at the thought of being single? Do you find yourself constantly craving connection, validation, or romance, even if it’s unhealthy? You’re not broken. You’re simply repeating a pattern rooted in unmet emotional needs and unresolved trauma.
Many of my clients come to me asking, “Why can’t I be alone?” What they’re really asking is, “Why don’t I feel safe with myself?” And the truth is that you can be well liked and popular, however if you can’t sit comfortably in your own company and know at your very core that you are a likeable and loveable flawed person without the cars, houses, flashy lifestyle and friends, then there’s a red flag that there’s a lack of self-love, and this is where I can help. I help people build strong foundations of self-love so that they find comfort, joy and peace whether alone or in a healthy relationship.
As Christmas approaches, the weather cools and nights are long you may find yourself thinking ‘I’m worried about being alone at Christmas.’ Pressures from family, sharing the care of children, deceased elders, the expectations of gifts and contrived seasonal good will and spirit can leave people feeling overwhelmed, unsettled, lonely and desperately seeking companionship as a distraction.
The problem is with this energy of avoidance of discomfort and yearning for someone to ‘fill the hole of emptiness’ one pushes away those that could offer relationship stability and attracts unhealthy relationships and toxic people.
I can help you break the cycle of co-dependent relationships using powerful tools like hypnotherapy.
The Hidden Roots of Codependency
When you’ve grown up without consistent emotional safety, your nervous system learns that love equals survival.
You may have experienced:
- Emotional neglect or inconsistent affection
- Caregivers who needed you to meet their needs
- A lack of comfort or reassurance when you were distressed
- A parent who withdrew love as punishment
As a result, your inner child still believes, “If I’m not loved, I’ll be abandoned.”
This belief can drive you toward relationships where you:
- Lose yourself trying to be “enough”
- Feel anxious or empty when you’re single
- Chase intensity over stability
- Confuse chemistry with connection
These are trauma responses, not character flaws.
Why You Struggle to Be Alone
When you’re alone, all the feelings you’ve suppressed finally surface; sadness, fear, rejection, shame.
Your nervous system doesn’t recognise solitude as safe. Instead, it activates your fight-flight response, urging you to seek someone to regulate you.
You might notice:
- Restlessness or anxiety when alone
- Constantly checking your phone for messages
- Obsessing over an ex or a new crush
- Ruminating thoughts about rejection
- Feeling like you “don’t exist” without someone loving you
These are signs of emotional dysregulation and unmet attachment needs, the same needs that can be healed.
Healing the Pattern from Within
You can’t “think” your way out of codependency, you have to re-teach your body and subconscious that being alone is safe.
This is where my work combines Hypnotherapy, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), and Inner Child Healing in Nottingham and online.
Together, I can help you:
- Reconnect with your younger self who craved safety and love
- Release old subconscious beliefs about abandonment and worth
- Regulate your nervous system using powerful EFT tapping techniques
- Build emotional resilience so solitude feels peaceful, not painful
- Learn how to meet your own needs before seeking them in others
When you feel whole within, relationships become a choice not a lifeline.
From Loneliness to Liberation
Being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely. It can be the most powerful season of growth you’ll ever experience.
When you heal your inner world, you:
- Attract emotionally healthy partners
- Feel calm and confident without external validation
- Experience deeper, more secure love
- Finally feel safe both alone and in connection
Ready to Heal the Root Cause?
If this resonates with you, I can help you break free from the patterns keeping you stuck.
Through Hypnotherapy in Nottingham, online Inner Child Healing and EFT, I guide clients to uncover and release the deep subconscious blocks behind their relationship cycles so they can finally feel safe, secure, and self-fulfilled.
Let’s help you find peace in being alone, because that’s where true love begins.
Contact me here: https://contact-me/
Request a call with me: https://30-minute-clarity-call
My blog post on self-love https://how-to-practice-self-love/
Recommended reading/resources https://amzn.to/4oZfcMG