How Can I Be a Better Parent? Breaking the Cycle of Generational Trauma

27 Aug How Can I Be a Better Parent? Breaking the Cycle of Generational Trauma

Posted at 11:43h in ADHD & Neurodiversity, Blog, Parenting, Trauma healing, Well-being by rebecca_dakin

How Can I Be a Better Parent?

I grew up in a household where feelings were a liability. With undiagnosed ADHD, PDA and mild autism I was labelled ‘over emotional’ and ‘rebellious’. Full of self-loathing believing I was intrinsically flawed. My Baby Boomer parents believed emotions such as anger, sadness, jealousy, even excitement were to be controlled, minimized, or punished. “Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about,” “Don’t be greedy, you must share,” “What’s wrong with you?” “Take that look off your face” and “stop being so miserable” these phrases shaped my sense of self from the very beginning. My understanding was that my parents could be unfiltered with their rage and emotions however mine were deemed unacceptable.

Like many of my Gen X peers, I learned to shut down my feelings, hide my needs, and comply through fear. It worked, sort of. I became dependable, capable, and successful on the outside, but inside I carried a constant swirl of shame and unresolved emotion. I didn’t realize then that these internalized patterns would follow me through into adulthood and eventually my journey as a parent.

Why Gen X Parents Struggle With Emotional Regulation

As adults, many of us wonder: how can I be a better parent? The answer often begins with self-awareness. We may find ourselves reacting to our children in ways that mirror our own childhood: withdrawing, overreacting, or demanding compliance. When I’m working with parents one to one, it’s so important that I help support them in lovingly accepting where they are at, rather than beating themselves up over past mistakes.

When our feelings were dismissed growing up, we never learned to process emotions safely. This can manifest as:

Feeling shame around anger: “I shouldn’t feel angry, it’s wrong.”
Anxiety over jealousy: “Wanting more than others makes me selfish.”
Guilt or embarrassment around greed, sadness, or fear.

Emotions get buried, but they don’t disappear. Instead, they reappear in parenting moments, often triggered by our children’s natural emotional expressions. If your child cries, yells, or acts out, you might feel frustrated, numb, or even ashamed not because they are “bad,” but because their feelings mirror unprocessed wounds in you.

Signs of Dysregulation You Might Recognize

Recognizing your own dysregulation is the first step to breaking the cycle. Common signs include:

Explosive anger or withdrawal during conflict leading to shame
Numbness or disconnection when your child expresses strong feelings
Feeling triggered into fight, flight, freeze or fawn responses daily.
Overcompensating with perfectionism or people-pleasing
Feeling overwhelmed by your own or your child’s emotions

These reactions are not a personal failing, they are symptoms of generational trauma, shaped by years of emotional suppression.

How Inner Healing Makes You a Better Parent

Breaking the cycle begins with processing your own emotions and healing the inner child who was silenced. This work is essential if you want to parent differently than your caregivers did.

EFT (Tapping)

EFT allows you to release stored emotional pain safely. By identifying triggers and tapping on meridian points while naming your feelings, you calm your nervous system and start to show up calmer for your children.

Hypnotherapy

Hypnotherapy works at the subconscious level, helping shift beliefs like “I can’t feel anger” “I fear anger” or “my emotions are dangerous.” By reprogramming these patterns, you gain access to your authentic emotional self.

Inner-Child Healing

Inner-child work invites you to reparent the younger version of yourself: the child who was told, “Stop crying,” or “Be grateful, don’t complain.” This practice teaches self-compassion and emotional safety, which then translates into parenting your own children with patience and empathy.

Real-Life Examples: How Baby Boomer Phrases Echo in Parenting

Boomer Phrase	Impact on Gen X Adult Parent	Manifestation with Children
“Stop crying, there’s nothing to be upset about.”	Suppression of sadness, shame around expressing pain	Difficulty comforting a crying child; feeling frustrated by normal emotional expression
“Don’t be greedy, share what you have.”	Shame around desire or ambition	Reacting harshly when a child expresses wants or jealousy
“Why can’t you just behave?”	Internalized perfectionism, fear of disapproval	Overly critical of child mistakes; struggle to tolerate imperfection
“Don’t be so angry.”	Shame about anger, fear of conflict	Avoiding confrontation or overreacting to minor disputes
“Don’t talk back.”	Silencing needs and opinions	Difficulty listening to child complaints or negotiating boundaries

Without awareness, our own emotional dysregulation feeds into the parenting cycle, unintentionally teaching children to suppress their emotions too.

The Cycle Ends With You

Healing yourself is the most profound way to answer the question: how can I be a better parent? By learning to process anger, jealousy, greed, sadness, and fear without shame, you teach your children emotional safety, self-expression, and resilience.

When you integrate EFT, hypnotherapy, and inner-child healing, you don’t just manage your feelings you model emotional intelligence for the next generation. You break the cycle of trauma that may have spanned decades. I know because I’ve been there and these are the tools that transformed my life and allowed me to feel a strong sense of acceptance and love for self allowing me to break the cycle and heal for myself, my daughter and future generations. You can do it too!

FAQ: How Can I Be a Better Parent?

Q1: Can inner-child work really make me a better parent?
Yes. By reparenting yourself with compassion, you can offer your children emotional safety and acceptance.

Q2: What is emotional regulation, and why does it matter?
It’s the ability to feel all feelings fully, process them and move towards a point of lovingly releasing them to be able to access a state of calm. Parents who regulate emotions show kids that all feelings are valid and safe.

Q3: How does EFT help parents?
EFT calms the nervous system, reducing reactivity and helping you stay connected to your child.

Q4: Why do many Gen X parents struggle?
Because Baby Boomer parenting often valued compliance over feelings. Healing helps break that cycle.

Q5: How can hypnotherapy support parenting?
It rewires limiting beliefs, building confidence and empathy so you can show up fully for your children.

Ready to Break the Cycle?

Your healing is your children’s freedom. Contact me today to learn practical strategies for emotional regulation, EFT exercises, and inner-child healing. Together, we’ll create a safe, connected, and conscious parenting environment so you can finally answer how can I be a better parent? with clarity and confidence. I offer virtual hypnotherapy and inner child healing sessions and in person in Nottingham Hypnotherapy, E.F.T. and well being coaching.