13 May Why won’t my adult child speak to me? Navigating Family Estrangement
If you’ve ever wondered ‘why won’t my adult child speak to me?’ you’ll know that estrangement can feel like a slow, invisible grief — a heartbreak that isn’t always recognized which causes pain and heart ache on both sides. In answer to this question (speaking from both personal and professional experience) it’s when they feel that won’t be heard, validated and/or accepted.
Whether it’s a complete cut-off or a subtle emotional chasm, many adult children are quietly mourning the parents they needed but never quite had. Public figures like Brooklyn Beckham offer a window into these private struggles. If you have a strained relationship with your children or are currently estranged read on let me explain…
For example, speculation around Brooklyn’s emotional distance from his parents — particularly Victoria Beckham — has sparked conversations about emotional neglect. While nothing is confirmed, fans have noticed the coolness between them. Victoria’s renowned work ethic, while admirable, may have led to emotional absence. David Beckham’s reported struggles with obsessive-compulsive tendencies could also have impacted the family atmosphere, prioritizing order or control over emotional attunement. Emotional neglect can be rife among very loving and well-meaning parents and is down to what’s known as generational trauma.
Both workoholism (or chronic busyness ‘people pleasing’ and OCD behaviours can both be linked to unresolved trauma (which is often not in the conscious awareness). When you address these issues in therapy you pave the way for healthy relationships with your children.
5 Signs of Workaholism (Beyond Long Hours):
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- Emotional numbing through constant productivity
- Guilt when resting or relaxing
- Irritability or anxiety during downtime
- Prioritizing work over relationships repeatedly
- Measuring self-worth entirely by achievement
5 Lesser-Known Signs of OCD in Parents:
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- Need to mentally “neutralize” thoughts to prevent imagined harm
- Chronic doubt that leads to over-checking parenting decisions
- Emotional unavailability due to mental rituals
- Intense fear of unintentionally harming loved ones
- Rigid family rules that create a controlling home environment
How does this link with emotional neglect and ‘why won’t my adult child speak to me’?
Workoholism and OCD lead to some level of emotional neglect which can lead to estrangement. When children don’t feel emotionally safe or seen, they often enter adulthood with a distorted map of love. They may:
- Attract emotionally unavailable partners
- Confuse intensity with intimacy
- Feel responsible for soothing others
- Avoid closeness due to fear of engulfment
- Attract manipulative, coercive partners
- Recreate chaotic dynamics to feel “at home”
Brooklyn’s quick emotional attachments may reflect a yearning to be chosen, seen, or safe — needs all children carry into adulthood.
These patterns are often part of generational trauma — unresolved emotional pain passed down through behaviours, beliefs, and nervous system responses.
Healing Is Possible
As a hypnotherapist and coach specializing in relationships, estrangement, neurodivergence, OCD behaviours and ‘workoholism’ I help clients untangle these inherited dynamics. Whether you’re navigating estrangement or finding yourself stuck in unhealthy patterns, know this:
✨ When you choose to heal you, you model for your children that your intention is to nurture a healthy connection with them when they feel ready.
Explore how I can support you https://rebeccadakin.com/contact
Book a call with me here: https://calendly.com/rebeccadakin/
More on estrangement here: https://rebeccadakin.com/coping-with-family-estrangement/